I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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