Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
