I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
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I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
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I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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