my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
