More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
