soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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