i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
