I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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