Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
