I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
True strength comes from lack of pants
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
