Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
organizing the empties. That sober.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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