No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
