So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
