I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
