if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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