You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
