seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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