You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
