there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
