I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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