does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
