i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
