like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
