Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
