I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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