You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
