I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
