Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
