is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
