You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize