like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
