Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
