Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
