Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
