Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
