Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if only i could text you this smell
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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