He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You ruined the universe
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
