I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize