just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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