this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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