it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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