I heard we made out
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize