dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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