I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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