Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
