Just mADE A PArabola og urine
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
