he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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