I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
