People in love make me want to vomit
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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