just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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