I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
