The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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