can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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