rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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