i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
