Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
