Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
