Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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