Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
