You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
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If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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