My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
