I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The air taste purple.
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